Robin Blandford [ ByteSurgery.com ]

17/07/08 Writing Fun Web App Copy

CHICAGO, UNITED STATES - So I love the CD Baby copywriting. It makes the user experience just great.

So I’ve been having a toy with this myself tonight for the D4H “Forgotten Password” page. I’m being extraordinarily careful about every word as I believe it makes massive contributions to the fuzzy warm feeling you get about some apps. I’m no wordsmith and I’ll try to source feedback through this blog where possible - please tear this stuff apart with suggestions.

Forgotten your password?

Don’t worry! It happens to even the best of heroes. You’ve better things to be thinking about like how many breaths to compressions in CPR or the systolic blood pressure of a small child. You remember those and we’ll look after your password. Deal?

If you’d like to reset your password, enter the email address we have on record for you. We’ll send a link to that address for you to reset your password with instantly…

The email goes something like this:

From: The Matron <noreply @bytesurgery.com>
Date: Wed, Jul 16, 2008 at 23:15
Subject: [D4H] Did you forget your password?

Forgotten your password?

Somebody asked for a new password for your account on ‘Decisions For Heroes’. If this wasn’t you, please just ignore this message.

If you do wish to reset your password, click on the following link:

http://dublinfirebrigade.d4h.org/resetpassword.php?key=29sda38648asd2374sdf632

Your hero,

- The Matron, DecisionsForHeroes.com.

P.S. In case you forgot this too, your username is ‘robinb’.

It should probably come from an address you can actually reply to and on the same domain, be signed by a real person, anything else?

-Robin.

Tags: copy, copywriting, d4h, decisions for heroes, web app

5 Comments

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17/07/08 elly parker

The last line:
“We’ll send a link to that address for you to reset your password with instantly…”
seems clumsy to me compared to the rest of it, I had to read it a few times to grasp the meaning.

Why not stop the copy at:
“If you’d like to reset your password, enter the email address we have on record for you.”
and then on the confirmation screen, something along the lines of:
“We need to verify that you really are who you say you are, so we’ve sent you an email. It gives you link to reset your password. Don’t forget to check your junk mail folder”.

That’s very clumsy (it’s early), but you get the gist of what I mean.

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17/07/08 elly parker

Also, where do comments go on here when they are submitted? No sign of the one I just made on the post and no note to say it was being held for moderation either…

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17/07/08 Robin Blandford

Hi Elly, apologies - thats the Cache (SuperCache plugin) not updating quick enough.

Thanks for the text (it’s late 2:22am) I’ll make the adjustment in the morning.

-Robin.

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17/07/08 Paul Campbell

I love apps with personality. Kathy Sierra had some good stuff to say about this. Sad she’s still not blogging:

http://headrush.typepad.com/creating_passionate_users/2007/03/is_your_app_an_.html

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17/07/08 Robin Blandford

@Paul - great link thanks. Here’s another good one I found today a little related http://www.theequitykicker.com/2008/07/16/awesome-presentation-from-tara-hunt-on-building-social-capital/

@Elly that’s great thanks. I’ve made those changes.

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